Permission Triggers: The Science Behind Why We Keep Asking "Is This OK?"
On Monday, we talked about breaking free from the permission paradox and how to stop seeking approval for every business decision. (That navy blue pillow story got quite a few comments - thank you for sharing your own "trust your gut" moments!)
Today, let's dive into something even more interesting - the science behind why we do this in the first place. Because understanding why our brains are wired for permission-seeking is the first step to rewiring them for confidence.
Y'all, let me start with something that happened a few weeks ago. We were working on a new program for our consulting business. We (Josh and I) had set the price for the program and yet I still asked our Ads Manager if he thought it would sell for that price. UGH!!! - something I KNEW was right for my business.
And then it hit me - I was in a permission-seeking spiral again. Even after years of running successful businesses, even after a 7-figure exit, here I was, looking for someone else's approval. Now you see some of the method to the madness of my newsletters.
The Science of Seeking Approval
Here's something fascinating: researchers at Harvard discovered that our brains are actually wired for seeking approval. Think about it - remember teaching your kids to cross the street? "Look both ways," we say, and they look back at us for that final nod. It's a safety thing when they're little, right?
But that pattern doesn't stop in childhood - we just change who we're looking to for that nod of approval. How many of you have snapped a picture of an outfit and sent it to a friend asking "Does this work?" Same pattern, different street to cross.
This goes back to our cave-dwelling days when being accepted by the group meant survival. That hit of dopamine we get when someone validates our choice? That's our ancient brain saying "Yes! The tribe still wants you!"
Your Brain on Permission-Seeking
Scientists have identified three main triggers that activate our permission-seeking behavior:
1. Uncertainty Triggers
- New territory (like setting a price for a new program)
- High-stakes decisions
- Unfamiliar challenges
Your brain: "Better check with others to ensure survival!"
2. Past Experience Triggers
- Childhood conditioning (like learning to cross that street)
- Previous failures
- Cultural programming
Your brain: "Remember what happened last time?" (Personally I hate this one!)
3. Fear Response Triggers
- Risk of rejection
- Potential loss
- Change resistance
Your brain: "What if everyone hates this?"
