I'm Keeping My Cup Full! Haters Be Damned!

How I turned 55 and decided to stop pouring from an empty cup—without apology.

Hey friend!

Do you know what phrase I absolutely despise?

"You can't pour from an empty cup."

Here's the thing. You can pour from an empty cup it just that nothing will come out! Women all over the world in all walks of life know exactly what I mean. We have poured from the empty cup more times than we can remember!

Why do we continue to do that to ourselves? It is masochistic if you really stop and think about it.

I'll tell you why we do it. As women of a certain age and generation (Good God I sound like an old person!) we have been raised to believe our worth is based in the service of others not ourselves. We have been programmed to think "It's selfish to want more freedom or ease."

I for one have had it with that ridiculous logic that's why this year when I turned 55 I decided to do one thing for me each day. 100% purely because I wanted to regardless of what my family, friends, or team members thought.

The Service Programming Runs Deep

Let's get real about where this comes from. Most of us learned early that being "good" meant putting everyone else first. We got praise for being helpful, for not causing trouble, for making everyone else's life easier.

We watched our mothers do the same thing - work all day, then come home and make dinner, help with homework, coordinate everyone's schedules, and collapse into bed only to do it all again tomorrow. And we learned that this was what love looked like.

But here's what nobody told us: Service without boundaries isn't service - it's self-destruction.

When we operate from empty cups, we're not actually helping anyone. We're modeling unsustainable behavior for our kids. We're building businesses that require our constant sacrifice. We're teaching everyone around us that our needs don't matter.

The "Selfish" Lie That's Keeping You Stuck

Every time you think about taking that weekend off, hiring that assistant, or saying no to that volunteer commitment, what's the first thought that pops up?

"But that's selfish."

Y'all, I need you to understand something: Wanting freedom and ease isn't selfish - it's smart.

You know what's actually selfish? Burning yourself out so completely that everyone around you has to pick up the pieces. Running your business into the ground because you're too tired to make good decisions. Snapping at your kids because you haven't had five minutes to yourself in three weeks.

That's selfish. Taking care of yourself so you can show up as your best self? That's strategic.

What Happens When You Choose Ease

Since I started my "one thing for Heather" commitment, here's what I've discovered:

The world doesn't end. That project I was sure would fall apart if I didn't micromanage it? It got done just fine. The family dinner I didn't plan? Everyone ate and survived.

People step up. When I stopped being the solution to every problem, other people started solving their own problems. Imagine that.

I make better decisions. When I'm not operating from pure exhaustion, I can actually think clearly about what matters and what doesn't.

I'm more present when I choose to be. That time I spend with my family now is quality time because I'm not resentful about all the things I "should" be doing instead.

My business runs better. Turns out, when you're not the bottleneck for everything, things flow more smoothly.

The Permission You've Been Waiting For

Here's what I want you to hear: You don't need to earn the right to freedom and ease through decades of sacrifice. You don't need to prove your worth by being exhausted. You don't need anyone's permission to want a life that feels good.

You deserve ease not because you've suffered enough, but because you're human.

You deserve freedom not because you've served everyone else first, but because freedom is your birthright.

You deserve rest not because you've checked every box on everyone else's list, but because rest is how humans function sustainably.

But What Will People Think?

I know what's running through your head right now: "But what will people think if I start prioritizing myself?"

Here's the ugly truth: Some people will be uncomfortable. The ones who've gotten used to you being available 24/7 will push back. Your family is going to have to adjust to not having you as their full-time problem solver.

And you know what? That's their problem to solve, not yours.

The people who truly care about you want you to be happy and healthy. The ones who get upset when you set boundaries? They were benefiting from your lack of boundaries - and that's not your responsibility to maintain.

Your Freedom Practice

If the idea of doing something purely for yourself feels foreign or scary, start here:

This week, do one small thing that brings you ease. Maybe it's ordering takeout instead of cooking. Maybe it's saying no to that volunteer request. Maybe it's hiring someone to clean your house or taking a nap without guilt.

Notice the resistance. When that voice pops up saying "this is selfish" or "you should be doing something productive," acknowledge it and do the thing anyway.

Document how you feel afterward. Are you actually a worse person for choosing ease? Did the world fall apart? Or do you feel more capable of handling what actually matters?

Gradually expand. As you get comfortable with small acts of self-prioritization, try bigger ones. Take that long weekend. Hire that assistant. Set that boundary you've been avoiding.

The Ripple Effect of Your Freedom

Here's something I've learned that might surprise you: When you stop sacrificing yourself for everyone else, you don't become selfish - you become an example.

Your kids learn that adults can have boundaries and still be loving. Your team learns to solve problems independently. Your friends see that it's possible to run a business without martyrdom.

You become living proof that success doesn't require suffering.

The Real Service

You want to serve others? Show them what sustainable success looks like. Model what it means to build a life and business that doesn't require constant sacrifice.

The greatest gift you can give your children isn't your exhaustion - it's showing them that they deserve lives that feel good.

The best thing you can do for your clients isn't working yourself to death - it's demonstrating that excellence comes from rest and strategic thinking, not from grinding.

The most powerful thing you can offer other women isn't your martyrdom - it's your permission to choose ease.

Your New Mantra

Instead of "I can't pour from an empty cup," try this:

"I'm keeping my cup full! Haters be damned!"

It's not about what you can give when you're full. It's about recognizing that your wellbeing matters, period.

The Challenge

This week, I challenge you to catch yourself every time you think "that's selfish" about something that would bring you freedom or ease.

Then ask yourself: Is this actually selfish, or am I falling back into old familiar patterns?

Most of the time, you'll find it's the patterns talking - not reality.

Drop a comment below: What's one thing you've been calling "selfish" that you're ready to reclaim as "strategic self-care"?

xx, Heather

P.S. I've been doing my "one thing for Heather" practice for 2 months now, and guess what? I'm a better business owner, mother, and friend because of it. Turns out, when you take care of yourself, you actually have more to give - not because that's the goal, but because that's what naturally happens when you're not running on fumes.