From Burnout to Belonging: The Day I Realized I Wasn’t the Only One in the Cave
What isolation was really costing me—and what shifted the moment I finally reached out.
Hey friend!
Well, I left my cave. The self-induced isolation from my fellow entrepreneurs is finally over.
Hallelujah!
Funny thing is I didn’t even really realize I’d crawled into said cave. It just sort of happened. The way life just sort of happens. In retrospect I can tie my self-isolation to our house fire. When everything in your life gets turned upside down, retreating feels safer than reaching out.
But here’s what I didn’t know: I wasn’t alone in my cave.
Turns out, 66% of women entrepreneurs have NO relationships with colleagues - either at work or outside of it. Nearly two-thirds of us are sitting in our own caves, thinking we’re the only ones struggling.
And it’s making us sick.
Recent research shows that 52% of women entrepreneurs are dealing with mental health issues, with 78% experiencing anxiety symptoms. We’re more burned out than our male counterparts (52% vs 45%). And yet, only 30% of us feel comfortable talking about it.
The kicker? Women entrepreneurs who DO have support systems - who leave their caves - are significantly better off. 70% of women with strong connections report better mental health.
So when my friend told me about a workshop hosted by Selena Soo on Rich Relationships, something clicked. The topic was how to find, nurture, and activate special relationships. The information itself wasn’t new, but the perspective shift was. It was the kick in the pants I needed to get out of my cave.
The event started off kind of rocky for me. I tripped on the airplane (yes, on the way to the event) and strained my hamstring. I heard it pop. I hope to God I never hear or feel that again.
(Side note: once I landed I called Josh all upset to let him know and to get some sympathy. I could visualize him shaking his head when he said “of course you did.” I have a track record of hurting myself in the most unusual ways. Ok, back to the point)
When I arrived at the venue I was in so much pain and just downright grumpy that I didn’t attend the dinner my friend, Pia, had arranged for me. Cave: 1, Heather: 0
I woke up the next morning and had planned to meet Pia and another friend for breakfast. Still grumpy and hurting, but I felt some weight lift because I was with “my people.” Confidence boosted and ready for the day. Cave: 1, Heather: 1
I walked into the workshop. Everyone was buzzing. Introducing themselves, catching up with people they knew, or chatting about folks they knew in common. My introvert came out “loud and strong.” I wanted to crawl into my skin, turn myself inside out, and hide in a corner. I found my seat, got some tea, and watched the room. It reminded me of a beehive buzzing with excitement. I took some deep breaths and introduced myself to a table mate.
Selena is a master at curating small groups of people. My table was no exception. TBH at first the conversation was a bit stilted or awkward, but by lunchtime I could give you everyone’s life story, business background, and goals for being at the workshop. Cave: 1, Heather: 2
Day one came to an end. I retreated to my room to ice my leg, ordered room service, and binge-watched Love Is Blind. While I was missing a second dinner, I really didn’t feel like I was missing out because throughout the day I got to connect with some really cool and interesting people.
Day two started like the first day with my little breakfast crew that magically grew by two powerhouse women. Here we were in Austin, all different ages, all different businesses, all different stages, but we could relate to each other in a way that non-entrepreneurs can’t. My introvert subsided and my cup runneth over. Cave: 1, Heather: 3
The new day meant new table mates. I was seated with someone I consider an absolute freaking rockstar, Laura Belgray (Talking Shrimp). I have been following Laura for YEARS. I was nervous and star-struck. Laura is known as the leading expert on writing emails that connect and convert. Of course we all introduced ourselves and I blurted out that I had been fan-girling over Laura for years. It must have been okay because she didn’t change seats. Cave: 1, Heather: 4
At this table I got to see a Super Connector in action. For those of you like me who didn’t know what a super connector was, it’s just like the name implies. It’s someone who has a gigantic network of all kinds of people and they introduce people to each other in order to help one another. It was really amazing to watch Mike, the super connector, interact with everyone at the table. He is a deep and attentive listener. He also took notes during the conversations to help himself remember little details and ways he may be able to help you or introduce you to someone. His generosity was and is contagious.
We ended early to give us time to circle back with anyone we wanted to speak with and meet other attendees. In all honesty, I hate things like this with a passion. I truly despise walking up to a group of people and attempting to join the conversation. Cave: 2, Heather: 4
Then I met Natalie. She is a Clairvoyant Shamanic Reader and Healer. Y’all, I practically jumped out of my skin with excitement to meet Natalie. I had so many questions about how she discovered her gift. The ultimate bonus? She owns a LAVENDER farm. Are you kidding me! Y’all know how I feel about lavender! I started to feel a bit bad because I was completely monopolizing her time. Later on she told me she was feeling a bit down when I approached her, but my joy and enthusiasm helped to lift her spirits. And here I thought I was the lucky one in that conversation. Cave: 2, Heather: 5
It was about this time that I realized that I didn’t want to retreat back to my cave. I was forming new relationships and friendships. I was remembering how much I liked to be around other entrepreneurs. It fills my cup in a way that other things just don’t.
Here’s what the research doesn’t tell you: It doesn’t tell you that connection feels terrifying when you’ve been isolated. It doesn’t tell you that your introvert brain will scream at you to stay in your hotel room. It doesn’t tell you that walking up to strangers at a networking event will make you want to die a little.
But it also doesn’t tell you that once you push through that fear, you’ll meet a woman who owns a lavender farm and reads people’s energy. Or that you’ll sit next to someone you’ve admired for years and she won’t think you’re a complete weirdo. Or that a super connector will take notes about YOUR life because he thinks you’re interesting enough to help.
The statistics say that women with support systems do better. But what they really mean is this: we need each other. Not in some vague, inspirational-poster way. In a real, tangible, “I’m-going-to-text-you-when-I’m-struggling” way.
My cave felt safe. But it was slowly killing me.
So here’s what I learned:
I need to continue to put myself in rooms that make me uncomfortable. I need to make sure my introvert self doesn’t hibernate in my cave. I need to remember that my entrepreneur journey is just as interesting to others as theirs is to me.
And I need to remember that when 66% of women entrepreneurs have no colleague relationships, every time I show up - even when I’m grumpy with a strained hamstring - I’m fighting that statistic. Not just for me, but for the Natalies and Lauras and Mikes I might meet. For the women who are sitting in their own caves right now thinking they’re alone.
So I have a challenge for you.
Sometime in the next week, find a room where you might feel a little uncomfortable. It might be a networking event. A workshop. A breakfast with other business owners. Even a Zoom call with entrepreneurs you don’t know well yet.
Lean into the experience because you will learn more about yourself than if you stay in your cave.
And let me know how it went! Hit reply and tell me about your cave-leaving adventure. I want to hear about it.
Because here’s the truth: we’re not meant to do this alone. The research proves it. And my trip to Austin proved it too.
xx, Heather
P.S. I’m writing a new book, The Nurture Method: The Real Life Guide to Raising Your Business and Family, that will be released March 2026. If you’d like to get an early reader invite plus lots of other goodness, reply to this email. I’ll add you to the group!
P.P.S. All the mental health statistics in this newsletter came from recent research published between 2021-2025, including studies from Founder Reports, WiFiTalents, and peer-reviewed journals. If you want specific citations, hit reply and I’ll send them your way.